It is true to say that throughout this affair some unrealistic attitudes prevailed. Not to mention some meanness of spirit bordering on the purely eccentric. So maybe this is the obvious conclusion to the whole thing. Except that with lack of reality, the obvious is not obligatory. The bounds of romance and surrealism are thin. They always will be, which is why there needs to be a transition stage at some point which lifts mere romance to a sense of greater depth and permanence. Of course it sometimes kills eroticism and excitement - but everything has its price.

Someone is posing or posturing or putting on the agony. Or maybe they really believe they are hard done by. They may also be pretending to drop out of the frame, or hide away. But in reality they may be unable to face the facts which are clearly alive in their mind. In short, they may have removed themselves but in their heart they are still embroiled. Of course, its everyone's right to be truly wounded at times like these, and to seek solace in reclusive ways. But not forever, unless the affair is dead in the water. You may believe that it is. But that's not a foregone conclusion.

Don't imagine that you are entirely to blame - you are not. But you should see that as the co-conspirator or the co-dependent you may not have done enough to strengthen or support your own position. Have no fear of what really went on, it will be the only thing which prevents you from falling into the trap again. It may also have provided you with a bolt-hole from other more worldly stresses or harsh reality, and so it must be recognised and respected in its own right before you leave it behind. The mood in which we leave things is an important factor. Not necessarily the ideas we have at the start.

There are certain types of lovers who just appear now and then to top up their energies on your batteries. They actually enjoy doing things a second time in another version in their thoughts. With hindsight they relish what they cannot fully enjoy in the live moment. It may seem immature or perverse, but its a fact of life. If you were involved with one of these people, or you yourself are one of these people, you must see that we are all entitled to learn in our own way. But this is not a recipe for a lifetime's bonding, its more like a design for a lifetime's bondage, unless someone actually begins to name the game and give a definition to what is going on. Ghost lovers, who disappear and reappear to suit their own moods, are not the stuff of good marriage or partnerships. They are more suited to Gothic novels and that odd corner of life where a person needs to keep some romance alive and in tact with the passing of time. Its the stuff of myth and legend which is very much an acquired taste. Savour it for what it is and get it back on again, or re-educate your appetite towards different food.